Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
