you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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