guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
