I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
