I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
