in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
