You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
