fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
