Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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