The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
