She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
