I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
