When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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