No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
