Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
