DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Boobs speak an international language.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
