im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
