i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
