You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
