I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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