im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
