I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
