Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize