First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
