Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
