just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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