I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
