"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
