she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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