I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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