Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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