Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
