Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
