before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I understand Curling. That high.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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