We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
