okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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