oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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