He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
