You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
