We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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