I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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