I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
