he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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