So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
