her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
