I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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