just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
