Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
