Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Please, let me fuck your mom
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
