Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
