so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
