im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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