jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
