this beer tastes like vomit already
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
