Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
