he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
