Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think your dad took our porno
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
