Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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