I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
