If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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