I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.