I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.