Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
