I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.