I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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